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{"id":3550,"date":"2018-10-09T08:00:38","date_gmt":"2018-10-09T11:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/?p=3550"},"modified":"2020-12-07T11:08:03","modified_gmt":"2020-12-07T14:08:03","slug":"politica-do-amor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/relato\/politica-do-amor\/","title":{"rendered":"Pol\u00edtica do amor"},"content":{"rendered":"Por muitos anos carreguei, junto \u00e0 minha irm\u00e3, o desafio de tentar manter o equil\u00edbrio em casa e mediar os conflitos da rela\u00e7\u00e3o de meus pais como marido e mulher; e entre eles e seus filhos. Essa invers\u00e3o de pap\u00e9is me desgastava e n\u00e3o foi \u00e0 toa que na primeira oportunidade que tive, fui embora de casa. Pelo bem da minha sa\u00fade mental, precisei me afastar.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nN\u00e3o h\u00e1 empatia entre n\u00f3s. H\u00e1 amor \u2013 um amor bem estranho, \u00e0s vezes t\u00f3xico \u2013, mas raramente me sentia conectada a eles. Essa empatia, que encontrei pouqu\u00edssimas vezes naqueles que deveriam ser meu porto seguro, foi suprida na vida: seja com os atos de ternura que recebia das fam\u00edlias de minhas amigas e de meus tios; em minha forte rela\u00e7\u00e3o com o trabalho e a necessidade de me sentir pr\u00f3xima de meus l\u00edderes; e, agora, com a fam\u00edlia do meu marido, que abriu as portas e o cora\u00e7\u00e3o desde o primeiro dia em que a conheci.<\/p>\n
Por isso, sempre foi mais f\u00e1cil ser carinhosa com pessoas sem graus de parentesco.<\/p>\n
Quando tentava algum tipo de proximidade com meus pais, seja contando um segredo, ou pedindo um conselho, dificilmente vinham ensinamentos ou palavras de afeto; primeiro a li\u00e7\u00e3o de moral, depois, quem sabe, uma dica amiga. Tudo tinha de ser milimetricamente pensado antes de falar, caso contr\u00e1rio, a guerra se iniciaria, e eu seria afastada do Partido da Fam\u00edlia. Eu tinha de ser pol\u00edtica no pr\u00f3prio \u201clar\u201d.<\/strong><\/p>\nN\u00e3o entendia como, principalmente meu pai, um cara t\u00e3o ligado \u00e0 ordem e \u00e0 hierarquia, isentava-se de sua responsabilidade paternal.<\/i> Dizia que essa psicologia de que os filhos agem de acordo com que aprendem com seus patriarcas \u00e9 besteira, que cada um \u00e9 do jeito que \u00e9 simplesmente por assim ser. De fato, chega uma fase da vida em que voc\u00ea tem de assumir seus erros, mas negar que os pais t\u00eam influ\u00eancia na educa\u00e7\u00e3o dos filhos? Agora hierarquia n\u00e3o existe?<\/p>\n
Eu j\u00e1 deveria estar acostumada com isto tudo, pois minha rela\u00e7\u00e3o familiar foi baseada em agress\u00e3o na maioria dos anos \u2013 principalmente a verbal, a mais dolorida; sempre guiada em desestimular o outro, com um simples: \u201cpra que pagar este curso se voc\u00ea nunca termina o que come\u00e7a?\u201d.<\/p>\n
Cresci ouvindo que as ofensas ditas em casa n\u00e3o vinham do cora\u00e7\u00e3o, e que eu deveria relevar por ser mais nova, por conseguinte, mais male\u00e1vel ao perd\u00e3o. Perdoei in\u00fameras vezes. Perdoei quando disseram que se arrependiam de ter filhos; quando minha m\u00e3e estimulava competi\u00e7\u00e3o entre mim e a minha irm\u00e3, para ver nossa amizade acabar, assim como foi a dela com a irm\u00e3. Perdoei quando, ao inv\u00e9s de receber amor, ganhava presentes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nMinha vida inteira tive este tipo de comportamento como par\u00e2metro para minhas rela\u00e7\u00f5es, e eu n\u00e3o me acostumo. Eu me machuco, eu choro, eu tenho raiva, eu perdoo, e fico sempre me questionando: por que minha fam\u00edlia \u00e9 assim? Por que meus pais preferem afastar os filhos? Por que \u00e9 dif\u00edcil ter uma conversa serena e respeitosa dentro da pr\u00f3pria casa? Por que meu pai sempre desvirtua o que era para ser uma discuss\u00e3o sobre la\u00e7os familiares em alian\u00e7as pol\u00edticas? Por que minha m\u00e3e est\u00e1 fazendo o mesmo?\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nDepois que eu sa\u00ed de casa, h\u00e1 quase sete anos, muita coisa melhorou; aprendi a respeitar mais meus pais, e eles a mim, e a compreend\u00ea-los fora de seus personagens de pai e m\u00e3e, e passei a enxerg\u00e1-los como humanos. Poderia at\u00e9 dizer que me sentia finalmente mais pr\u00f3xima a eles. Estava t\u00e3o feliz.<\/p>\n
De repente, tudo veio \u00e0 tona: ouvi de meu pai que ele agradece por eu n\u00e3o querer ter filhos, pois tem vergonha de mim. O motivo? Elei\u00e7\u00f5es 2018 e eu n\u00e3o vou votar no Bolsonaro.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nIsto \u00e9 visto como uma afronta a ele, e agora \u00e0 minha m\u00e3e, que sempre foi a omissa e repreendida da rela\u00e7\u00e3o, mas j\u00e1 que eles pararam de viver em meio a brigas, e entenderam a simbologia da alian\u00e7a, assumiu o \u201cDeus no c\u00e9u, marido na terra\u201d.<\/p>\n
Mas que tipo de alian\u00e7a \u00e9 esta? Eles enxergam os filhos como inimigos que sentem essa necessidade de unir for\u00e7as do \u201ccasal de bem\u201d para derrotar o oponente. E que mal \u00e9 esse que eles veem? S\u00f3 porque as pessoas t\u00eam diferentes opini\u00f5es \u00e9 preciso sofrer um impeachment <\/i>familiar? Enquanto eles insistem em dizer que a quest\u00e3o \u00e9 pol\u00edtica, na verdade, o debate \u00e9 sobre amor.<\/p>\n
\u201cA gente n\u00e3o d\u00e1 aquilo que nunca recebeu.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\nEsta frase tem me acompanhado h\u00e1 algum tempo, na tentativa de entender essa loucura que se chama institui\u00e7\u00e3o familiar. Como cobrar amor de quem, em algum momento, n\u00e3o teve amor? Como cobrar amor de pessoas que, como um mecanismo de defesa, repelem esse sentimento? E, entendendo isso, entendendo eles, por que ainda me machuca tanto vivenciar esses comportamentos?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nEu achava que n\u00e3o havia superado os problemas, que os machucados do passado n\u00e3o estavam cicatrizados, mas toda vez que esse pensamento vem \u00e0 mente, tento me lembrar da vez em que minha psic\u00f3loga falou: \u201cPercebeu que voc\u00ea vem quebrando todos os paradigmas da sua fam\u00edlia?\u201d. Estou aprendendo a amar sem ofender, a dar e receber carinho.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\nFico imaginando como seria se eu um dia eu me tornasse m\u00e3e. Mesmo n\u00e3o tendo esse instinto materno aflorado, e que talvez nunca venha a ter, eu jamais sentiria vergonha pelo meu filho ou filha ter opini\u00f5es divergentes a mim. Eu respeitaria e amaria da mesma forma.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nEu teria \u00e9 orgulho de ser m\u00e3e de algu\u00e9m que busca a sua verdade, que respeita as pessoas como seres \u00fanicos, singulares, independentemente de ra\u00e7a, credo, orienta\u00e7\u00e3o sexual. Eu sentiria orgulho em ver esse ser, criado para o mundo, desenvolvendo suas asas, expandindo sua consci\u00eancia, errando e aprendendo com os erros. Sinto orgulho de mim.<\/p>\n
Quero acreditar que estas \u00faltimas palavras ardidas que recebi foram da boca pra fora; que essa \u00e9 a maneira de meus pais se preservarem da dor que \u00e9 se relacionar; da dor que \u00e9 nem sempre acertar. Machuca demais, mas tudo bem, eu os entendo. Por querer compreend\u00ea-los, estou quebrando um ciclo.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nCrescer d\u00f3i, e nem sempre as pessoas est\u00e3o dispostas a isso. Preferem repetir comportamentos, pois \u00e9 mais f\u00e1cil viver na zona de conforto. \u00c9 mais f\u00e1cil afastar o outro. Mesmo que seja fam\u00edlia. Mesmo que seja um filho. E, apesar de n\u00e3o querer entender como algu\u00e9m n\u00e3o quer se transformar, como algu\u00e9m n\u00e3o quer mudar a din\u00e2mica de suas rela\u00e7\u00f5es, eu acabo entendendo.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nGostaria que meus pais tamb\u00e9m quisessem quebrar um ciclo.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"S\u00f3 porque as pessoas t\u00eam diferentes opini\u00f5es \u00e9 preciso sofrer um impeachment familiar?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":32,"featured_media":7789,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[207,126],"tags":[75,98,97,160],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3550"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/32"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3550"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3550\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7790,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3550\/revisions\/7790"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7789"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3550"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3550"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/falafrida.com.br\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3550"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}